Tag Archives: Reflection

day 29 – those little things

My mother is the mothers of all mothers. Her life is about me and brother–absolutely no lie. She constantly frets about us, wakes up early just to make me breakfast, will call me after work to see if I need a ride… wow, even writing about this makes me feel like I am in middle school again. She constantly nags and bitches about our life habits, but my mother has the heart of gold. She is a very simple person, never asks for much and makes do with whatever she has. I know for a fact that in her life, she only wants me and my brother to be successful and to be happy. 

Even typing up this is making me teary. 

Anyways, sometimes my mother is as clueless as they come. I put some cleaning cream/protector lotion on my shoes the other day and was letting it dry. She hurriedly told me before I left today that will never work and puts it near the heater.. I didn’t think too much about it till I googled it.. putting shoes near the heater will make it crack. I freaked out and logged onto skype just about to yell and do the crazy thing that I do.. here was the convo. 

[10:19:53 AM] ME: IT SAYS NOT TO PUT LEATHER SHOES NEAR HEAT!!!!!! MOVE IT WAY

[10:20:32 AM] MOM: oh,yes good idea
[10:20:58 AM] MOM: have a good day
[10:21:17 AM] ME: you too mom
[10:21:26 AM] MOM: thank you

This almost made me cry. .it was so cute but reflects about how much my mother cares for me and wishes me to have a good day even if I was about to freak out on her (the previous part of this convo was not pasted…lol).

Makes me wonder.. how many moments like this has gone by without me noticing it? The little things really do count and we really need to appreciate it and especially those who care for us. I love you motherrr ❤

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day 15 – The 20s Dilemma

This article here captures EXACTLY how I am feeling at the moment. At the pivotal moment of my mid 20s, I feel that the world at my hands, but I can’t seem to grasp it. Thoughts and dreams are flying through my head, but really, making a decision in the end is what really counts. Some of the highlights from the article that  ring especially true with me:

1. The world is trying to keep you stupid. – How true is this? Those who take the time to research, those who take the time to understand something are the ones who win in this world. Save a couple of dollars every month on your transaction fees? Get the best quote on your mortgage rate? These grow and add up and it is up to yourself to make sure you stay on top of these things. Only the uneducated will be fooled.

2. Do not have faith in institutions to educate you. – I think I may have realized this a bit too late. Going to university, getting a university degree, going to get my CA.. none of this makes me happy or makes me successful. I am right now in a job that I don’t really like but i THINK I should be able to suck it up because it will put me in a good place in the future. However, those people that I admire are those who took a risk to do something they like, are passionate about it and can really say they are making it count.. can I say the same? Education really is NOT everything.

5. Don’t waste time being shy – still working on this right now. I think people get shyer as they grow older. Or at least in my case it is. I start thinking a lot more about how I present to myself, what I can say or what I can’t say. In my early twenties, I could play the cute asian girl card, people were willing to help me without me asking. However, now, being shy is not feasible. How many chances did I lose out on being shy? Volleyball, hip hop dance – all of these activities that I did not do because I was shy and talked myself out of it before even trying. Gave up as soon as I thought it was slightly embarrassing. How you present yourself really is everything.

18. Choose something huge to do, 19. Get known for one thing – My biggest fear in life? To be average. To be someone who just coasts through life and to be “okay” does not fly with me. That being said, I am not sure WHAT I still want to do. There, I said it. I am not sure if financial success is what I am looking for, or is it personal success, or is it relationship success? I just know what I want is not be ordinary. I rather be specialized than a jack of all trades. But where do I start looking is still the question? Too many thoughts, too many decisions.. like someone told me.. MAKE a decision and stick with it. This is something I really need to do soon. 

Which of the 20 things you should have known at 20 rings most true with you?

-s

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day 12 – Hookups – Yay or Nay?

Today I read a pretty interesting article regarding hookups, you can find the article here. In Hookups, Inequality still Reigns (Credits to Natalie Kitroeff)

For the most part, I agree with the article. Hook ups are definitely not the way to go if you are expecting an exploding orgasm, ladies. From the 2-3 (I count one of them as a half hook up?), I am that prescribed from the article–I overthink when it comes to hooking up; thoughts race in my head when the dirty deed is being done.

“God, my stomach looks fat”, “um, is that hair growth on a guy?”, “should I give him a blow job or not?”

The overbearing questions and self doubt really stands in the way of thinking about myself and my own orgasm. It is just an awkward slab of bodies that I would prefer not dealing with again. Not to mention, in order to have a hook up, one must be slightly/very intoxiacated, which also does not help to the cause. I already have hard enough of a time getting there under normal, loving circumstances. Whirling around the room from the effects of alcohol with a stranger–that doesn’t exactly scream comfortable and ready to have an orgasm.

I am also very particular about having an orgasm, only a certain tempo, a certain type of touching gets me off and it is very hard to communicate that to the partner you met for less than half an hour ago.

I totally have had the misconceptions that hookups are supposed to be this wild, crazy orgasmic experience which may have also effected my actual hook ups. Clearly, that is not the case. However, this also made me realize that for me personally, hookups are a learning experience. I have learned that hookups are NOT for me.

From a selfish and physical point of view, I just don’t see the point of having else self indulge themselves with my body while I lay there miserably thinking “does any girl actually think this feels good?” Also, me being an extreme paranoid health nut, I worry about the obvious STDs/STIs and all of that health risks linked to this type of “sexual risky behaviour.”

From an emotional perspective, I have realized that I like the intimacy of having an intimate relationship with someone that I know. Now, it may not have to be a boyfriend, but someone that I know for LONGER than half an hour and that I can express my likes/dislikes to is something significant I come to value when it comes to hooking up. Most of all, for me, hookups are a rite of passage–something that I have said I have done, tried and could no longer care about anymore. It is just not worth it, IMHO.

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