Monthly Archives: November 2013

day 22 – Giving Back

As a person, I am very selfish. I like to think to myself that I do things for my family and friends, but in the end, I still put myself first. I think often.. “how can I get better? How do I make more money? How do I make myself a more worthy person?

Recently, the truth hit me in the face. I have come to realize that being a better “person” isn’t just being better at the skills I hone, but it’s about giving back. I have a very dear friend, who for the longest time, I didn’t understand how and why he can dedicate all his free time to help tutoring kids and just volunteering wherever he could. While I used to go out all the time or planning the next party, he was using vacation time to drive all over the city to help kids with homework and doing lectures.

Now, I don’t know if it’s because of my job, or where I am in life, but I have also been tapping into that same question–“how do i give back?” Funny thing is, I applied to a lot of volunteer positions for the sake of getting something on my resume, and none of it worked out. I think the motive of me volunteering was what the problem was–I didn’t like the things I volunteered for, but was only doing it for the sake of doing it.

However, I recently started teaching Chinese at my local temple, and although it is not necessarily the most glamorous volunteer job, I am actually having fun and feeling inherently happy.  I really enjoy helping the kids and it’s a kind of different happiness that has nothing to do with prestige, or recognition or reward. It’s just enjoyable helping others in the moment. Simple as that.

I don’t mind getting up early to help set up and I find myself very humbled by the endless hours that some of the other volunteers put in. It is impressive and so endearing to see how many selfless people are out there.

Of course, on a more personal note, this positions also helps me in the long run as again, having a difference experience such as this helps me become a better person. Although it has only been 3 weeks, I feel that being in such a role allows me to reflect my behaviour. I am more patient with people as dealing with kids is obviously difficult sometimes.. but  learning to set my foot down when they are misbehaving. It is a completely different experience than work or anything else I have done. 

….But let me make it clear though that motherhood is NOT in the picture anytime soon. 

So, as cliche as it sounds, helping others really is a way to happiness. I plan to keep doing this for awhile and continue finding other things that make me happy.. I am still in the search for more fulfilling activities, so stay tuned!

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day 20 – Nights like these

It’s 4 am.

After a great night out with friends at Aladdin (A MUST WATCH), great dinner, coming home, I was so tired and ready to pass out. Instead, I stayed up and listened to all my favorite broadway songs. It’s amazing how each song can bring me to such different moods. 

Yes, it’s bad behaviour to stay up this late, god knows that late nights will make me break out and blah blah blah… but sometimes, you just have to indulge yourself. Let your mind do whatever it wants.. with no thoughts of the responsibilities ahead even for a couple of hours. 

Plus, it’s Friday night.. which means I get to sleep in tomorrow 🙂 Feels like university all over again! 

 

 

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day 16 – Some Things Never Change?

One of my biggest pet peeves about people and about myself is being late. I HATE it when someone is late, it screams rude and unthoughtfulness. (Yes, I know that is not a real word!)

My dad always told me there were 3 types of person in the world 1) The ones who are always early, 2) the ones who are always on time and 3) the ones who are always late. His advice? Always be the first type of person and if that can’t be, try to be second but never ever the third.

Today, I made the mistake of being the third type of person.

Last night, remembering that I had a meeting this morning with my new team, I forgot to check where the meeting room was. Thinking that I would just come earlier on time and checking with the secretary, I slept late last night watching girly Korean TV shows and ended up making a “just on time” train. The meeting was scheduled for 9 and I arrived at 8:50. However, once I confirmed with the secretary, I realized.. I was at the wrong building. If I had just come earlier or checked last night, I would have found out the building I was suppose to be in was only across the building from where I usually worked.

It was now 8:56, and as hard as I ran with my boots across the usual 15 minute trek, I made it in 6 minutes but still arriving late. Being the new person and it being my very first quarterly meeting, I don’t really think I made a great impression. I felt awkward and my current manager made a joke about how he made a note of it. You know that type of comment never really means it’s a joke.

Anyways, my old manager who is now the VP of our standards group also came to speak to us about some of the new standards within the entire audit function, I chatted with her and told her of my story. She laughed and said “oh, some things never change.” That made me feel a bit embarrassed and upset because 1) why did I have to mention it?! and 2) This type of thing really did happen a lot when I was on her team too.

This situation could have entirely been avoided if I was more prepared or if I came even early. Oh, and I realize.. next time, it is better to keep my mouth shut. People already knew I was late, but why do I need to give them the excuse to think I was dumb too? Smart decisions need to be made a bit better in the future. It’s true, I was late, that was already unprofessional enough.. but let’s face it, I am not a kid anymore, I need to own up to my mistakes and not find excuses as why I was late in the first place.

Anyways, rant over, the lesson of the day is: always be prepared, be early and always smile and stay silent if everything else goes wrong.

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day 15 – The 20s Dilemma

This article here captures EXACTLY how I am feeling at the moment. At the pivotal moment of my mid 20s, I feel that the world at my hands, but I can’t seem to grasp it. Thoughts and dreams are flying through my head, but really, making a decision in the end is what really counts. Some of the highlights from the article that  ring especially true with me:

1. The world is trying to keep you stupid. – How true is this? Those who take the time to research, those who take the time to understand something are the ones who win in this world. Save a couple of dollars every month on your transaction fees? Get the best quote on your mortgage rate? These grow and add up and it is up to yourself to make sure you stay on top of these things. Only the uneducated will be fooled.

2. Do not have faith in institutions to educate you. – I think I may have realized this a bit too late. Going to university, getting a university degree, going to get my CA.. none of this makes me happy or makes me successful. I am right now in a job that I don’t really like but i THINK I should be able to suck it up because it will put me in a good place in the future. However, those people that I admire are those who took a risk to do something they like, are passionate about it and can really say they are making it count.. can I say the same? Education really is NOT everything.

5. Don’t waste time being shy – still working on this right now. I think people get shyer as they grow older. Or at least in my case it is. I start thinking a lot more about how I present to myself, what I can say or what I can’t say. In my early twenties, I could play the cute asian girl card, people were willing to help me without me asking. However, now, being shy is not feasible. How many chances did I lose out on being shy? Volleyball, hip hop dance – all of these activities that I did not do because I was shy and talked myself out of it before even trying. Gave up as soon as I thought it was slightly embarrassing. How you present yourself really is everything.

18. Choose something huge to do, 19. Get known for one thing – My biggest fear in life? To be average. To be someone who just coasts through life and to be “okay” does not fly with me. That being said, I am not sure WHAT I still want to do. There, I said it. I am not sure if financial success is what I am looking for, or is it personal success, or is it relationship success? I just know what I want is not be ordinary. I rather be specialized than a jack of all trades. But where do I start looking is still the question? Too many thoughts, too many decisions.. like someone told me.. MAKE a decision and stick with it. This is something I really need to do soon. 

Which of the 20 things you should have known at 20 rings most true with you?

-s

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day 12 – Hookups – Yay or Nay?

Today I read a pretty interesting article regarding hookups, you can find the article here. In Hookups, Inequality still Reigns (Credits to Natalie Kitroeff)

For the most part, I agree with the article. Hook ups are definitely not the way to go if you are expecting an exploding orgasm, ladies. From the 2-3 (I count one of them as a half hook up?), I am that prescribed from the article–I overthink when it comes to hooking up; thoughts race in my head when the dirty deed is being done.

“God, my stomach looks fat”, “um, is that hair growth on a guy?”, “should I give him a blow job or not?”

The overbearing questions and self doubt really stands in the way of thinking about myself and my own orgasm. It is just an awkward slab of bodies that I would prefer not dealing with again. Not to mention, in order to have a hook up, one must be slightly/very intoxiacated, which also does not help to the cause. I already have hard enough of a time getting there under normal, loving circumstances. Whirling around the room from the effects of alcohol with a stranger–that doesn’t exactly scream comfortable and ready to have an orgasm.

I am also very particular about having an orgasm, only a certain tempo, a certain type of touching gets me off and it is very hard to communicate that to the partner you met for less than half an hour ago.

I totally have had the misconceptions that hookups are supposed to be this wild, crazy orgasmic experience which may have also effected my actual hook ups. Clearly, that is not the case. However, this also made me realize that for me personally, hookups are a learning experience. I have learned that hookups are NOT for me.

From a selfish and physical point of view, I just don’t see the point of having else self indulge themselves with my body while I lay there miserably thinking “does any girl actually think this feels good?” Also, me being an extreme paranoid health nut, I worry about the obvious STDs/STIs and all of that health risks linked to this type of “sexual risky behaviour.”

From an emotional perspective, I have realized that I like the intimacy of having an intimate relationship with someone that I know. Now, it may not have to be a boyfriend, but someone that I know for LONGER than half an hour and that I can express my likes/dislikes to is something significant I come to value when it comes to hooking up. Most of all, for me, hookups are a rite of passage–something that I have said I have done, tried and could no longer care about anymore. It is just not worth it, IMHO.

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day 3 – twentyfiveandcounting

I wanted to start this blog as a reminder to myself that really, age IS just a number.

Quarter life crisis starting to rear its ugly head? Check!

Note to self: Stay young at heart, stay curious in the mind, stay humble towards others and stay happy. That is the best advice to myself.

Till soon,

-thatgirl